It's been a while.
By that I mean it's been a while since anyone has heard from me. Not sure if that really matters, but I thought I'd make a reminder that I still occupy space on Earth.
I'd love to know what you've all been up to. I normally find it hard to respond to messages, and that's why some conversations die.
And it does seem very selfish to ask for conversations after it seems like I've been neglecting you, which I assure you, is not the case.
The thing is, that DeviantArt is a place for Art, as is says in the name.
And I haven't been feeling like an artist. I've just recently learned how to draw human figures, which are not so bad in my opinion.
I don't really know what I'm going to do with my page.
I'm not sure I can continue being in the Mystery Dungeon RP groups that I'm in, because of lack of drive, time, and most of all lack of art skill that I think I should have to be able to contribute there.
Besides, as you might have already seen, I have no idea how to develop a character, an interesting story for them, etcetera etcetera. This has happened mostly in #Poke-Heroes-Guild
, which is the first group I joined (back when I was like 12). The characters I made don't and never did have an interesting, developed personality or story. I made everything as I went along, and that went horribly wrong.
Whether I'll leave the group(s) or start over with a new team, I'm not sure. Probably not the latter.
And it also came to me that if I did leave them, what would I do?
I began drawing Fakemon in DeviantArt, but I don't think I can continue with that. When you look back at things from one, two years ago (maybe even this year), you just lose all hope in yourself. And the only thing that I did after that was PHG, PMD-C, PMD-Etc., things. So I'm not sure on that.
I've been writing, amateur, lose, unrelated writing, but I've been doing it to entertain myself. I've got several ideas for short stories or maybe even longer ones, but I don't think that they'll ever come around to being complete and strong.
That doesn't mean I've given up drawing, oh no. As I said, I've been drawing human figures, some even get to being characters, but you can infer from my previous paragraphs that I have a difficulty making characters.
Something that troubles me is the lack of contact I've been making with my friends online. Now that Summer Vacation is coming for me, I'd love to relive the late night join mes, and the late night Skyping. But I guess everyone's busy, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, school, college, etc.
After re-reading this, I see that the journal seems to have a gloomy tone, and I'm sorry about that.
But I've been plagued with negative feelings recently. Some because of school, and some are because of season finales (it doesn't seem to be much reason to feel bad, but I'm emotionally attached to fictional characters). I just finished Swan Song, the Supernatural season 5 finale, and everything hurts so much. Besides, the 11th Doctor is regenerating on Christmas, Sherlock is coming back, and I'm still trying to catch up on other shows.
Now I see that this might be the first long, long rant that I've done. I'm absolutely sorry about that, I've never wanted to plague others with my problems (which is why I never vent, rant, or show up mad/sad to a join me). But it's been such a long time since I've had contact with most of you (if there is actually anyone who made it to this point).
I think I'll wrap up this journal entry here, with my previous plea.
Please, I want to talk to you. Anyone who's read until this point (thank you for coping with me), anyone who didn't, simply any of my friends.
I think this is the first time I've felt younger than everyone. Pleading for attention, not knowing what to do, and separated from friends.
I swear that next entry will not be as gloomy as this one. I'll try to get the old Phil spirit back on.
(wow, this might be my longest journal entry ever)
Anyways, thank you everyone for coping with me and reading this, or at least paying attention to it.